I fear the Day I reach My Expectations

I fear the day I reach my expectations.

I fear the day I look myself in the mirror, and say that I have everything I've ever wanted out of life. 

Sure, there will be monumental days, my wedding, my babies, my furchild passing before me, the start of new careers and the mending of friendships I thought were forever lost.

But will that day come in which I want nothing more?

In May, I will have only one year until I've completed a goal I set for myself many years ago. Graduate college. I'll be the first of our family, and I'm sure it will feel grand. 

Then we move on into big girl life, where uncharted territory and scary people want to hurt you lurk beyond the college textbooks and library we've come so accustomed to. 

Will I ever actually travel, or will I ever see the world from the view of someone else. Will I ever be tired of waking up in the morning and experiencing coffee on the patio where it belongs?

Will seeing my child grow and experience a life I taught them, actually be enough?

It's terrifying. It's selfish. It's heartbreaking. It's reality. 

It's a wake up call. 

Every January, every near death experience, leads individuals to make lists. 

Lists of 

what they want to do,

where they want to go,

who they want to be,

and when they want to die. 

Why? Why are we making lists? I'm guilty as charged, and I know where my list sits. In the back of a book, my favorite one at that, where I left it the day I wrote it, waiting for me to mark something off. 

Supposed motivation. 

I fear the day I reach my expectations. 

Because that's the day I know there will be nothing more to live for.

A little bit more..

Today was a rough day. Tuesday's usually are. I can feel the semester winding down and the stress building up. Test after quiz after project after final, it's becoming a bit of a cluster.

Let me tell you a little about who I am and what I did growing up.
I am an independent woman. I'll post about how I feel about independence in my next post.
I am a redneck's daughter, and that automatically makes me a redneck. By Choice of course.
I was raised knowing respect is earned, not given, love is passionate, and choices are a big part of life.
I have my daddy to thank for all the lesson's I've learned,
And my momma to thank for all the mendin' of the learnin'.
I wish on Shooting stars,
I dream big dreams,
I have a really bad tendency to only like movies I've seen before.
It's an exhausting, vicious cycle.
I'm very simple minded and speak what I mean, in the kindest way possible.
So that's a rough draft of what it means to be me. This blog thing is kind of hard when you don't really care too awful much of what others think, or say, or feel.
Oh well.
That's all in the life tonight.
-Jess

Maybe Not An Exciting Life

       So this weekend wasn't very exciting. It was the first weekend in a while that I didn't go home, which is a shocker.
      Saturday morning I participated in Big Event, which is the largest student run, one day community service project in the nation. I think we had roughly 20,000 students sign up to help the community by doing yard work and other various activities for the lovely citizens of Bryan/College Station.
     I had an absolute blast. I could not have asked for a better group to have done it with, nor could I have asked for a prettier day.

     Saturday afternoon I helped my Fiance pack and load up for his trip back home. He's going to be starting his adventures without me. I can't blame him, his life shouldn't revolve around mine, but I still feel a little sad, and selfish.
     This morning was very uneventful as I took my lovely fur-child Jynx to the park and we studied for several hours.

    That's right, I studied for consecutive hours. This semester I'm finishing off my business minor, and I cannot believe how much I fell in love with it. Hindsight is 20-20, because I really should have done a business major. Oh well.
     This plan for this week looks like work, work, a couple tests, and then some more work.
     More than likely going home this weekend.
That's all in the life for tonight.
-Jess

So.. Here it is.. My first post...
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.
.
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Writer's block already.. Not a good way to start.
Well.. Hi Y'all, My name is Jessie, and Welcome to Jessie Does Life:)
This is just a blog about my adventures, my stories about what I'm experiencing in College, and my trials and tribulations. I'm not writing for anyone but my future self, so if I discuss something uncomfortable.. that's unfortunate. It's my blog.
I am 21 years old, and am currently a Junior at Texas A&M University. I'm from a little po dunk town up in North Texas, and my family is about as Redneck as it gets. (My dad has a blog about that too). I was raised to be independent, I was raised to be a leader, and I was raised to know right from wrong.
Life is simple. It's everything else that's hard. So here I am.
Let the adventures begin.
-Jess